love
To love is the most noble thing to do… books have defined what love is but I say it’s not always the same for other people…
Captain Corelli's Mandolin:
When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away...
*** it is not the the desire to make love that’s keeping my love for you.. it is the part of togetherness and surviving when everything goes wrong… it is beyond fidelity and loyalty that keeps my love...has our relationship burned away? Has true love been left to make US work out again?...
" Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?" - Cinderella
***they say it’s tiring to do what you’re not willing and happy to do… have you ever been tired to tell me how beautiful I am?... tired to tell me that I won’t lose you..i always hoped to hear the second choice… ALWAYS… hearing how you love me and how you see me are the things I won’t get tired of…
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”'- Robert A. Heinlein
***have you always considered what makes me happy when you are too happy to be with others? Have my opinions weighed more that those whom you say not important to you.. have you thought that makes me happy is you…
"Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly." - Sam Keen
***im not perfect and so do you… will my imperfection make you give up on what we have?...ive seen you on your worst… and now its my turn to show my worst… will you handle things the way I did?...
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – Corinthians
***with this I cannot argue.. with this I cannot fight.. with this im only HUMAN… human enough to be paranoid of the past and freaked out by the future.. envy those people who tries to flirt with you.. rude enough to let them not to.. angered enough to fight for you… to protect you… trust.. trust love that it will make it’s way through.. trust that at the end of the day it will still be us… trust that even I get jealous you are still there to hold my hand… I hope this post shows that I persevere…
God had made His way for us to meet… its up to us how we deal with it.. but whatever makes you happy… if being alone and never going to think of how to make me smile is what makes you happy.. id be glad to make the sacrifice of letting go of the thing I hold most dear…
d.c.
finally get to hold on my computer and hit blogspot!!!! hurray!!!!! i need this right now...
tama na ang pagurl mo!
Does anyone here ever felt like a pin cushion for once in their life? I did. Not just once but many times. And I recommend you to rather read this than watch any drama series,because there couldn’t be any more dramatic than this. so seat down, relax, pop some champagne and let me walk you through it.
I’m halfway on loosing myself. I got this energetic mind that never fails to battle each and every single war of analysis on how things happened, why, where and what. The pain is much comparable to being on a 2 hours serial extraction for 1 week with complete blood chemistry and bone marrow aspirate. Though I haven’t experienced those yet, I have witnessed those scenes fair enough to know how it felt.
First things’ first.I’m not yet really over that I was the one he chose. (yes, again). Seeing the type of girls he would want to date, he would want to be with, kills me. From the very tiny to the grandest details of the type of girl he like is not actually me. Just that thought kills me. Who would be braver enough to face that fact right in front of their fugly face?
I envy his friends. For sometimes I feel they are given more attention than I do. I’m not saying I love attention but it is just that I so feel out of his circle of close friends. I would love him to admit he have this close relationship with his dorm-mates which is obvious on their photos doing some stuffs together, but he keeps on denying it. This is another slap on my face like “hey I was fooling around, hello?! Can’t you see?” I know, I see I feel he’s having more fun when he’s with them; when they are talking sharing things, go on an outing, swimming and a lot more that I myself would want to experience with him. He even told me he cried once just to be with them on a picnic. Great. How would you feel? If he hasn’t even cried to be with you? If he could go out with friends but not with you? And the fact that his friends are judging your love for him? The friends whom he loves… the friends whom he treasures.. the friends whom who judged you without knowing a single thing on how your relationship is going. Would you also feel that they are given more attention than you do? And still say you love him so much? ako... OO...
rambol lang
It is funny indeed that you get angry whenever I ask you something about the girl who was involved in some of your crazy deeds… I don’t really see the point of your madness when in fact it is okay for me to talk about it.. I want to know what made you create a connection with her… I want to know everything but you always refuse to give me the details…
And another thing that my neurons can’t initiate to process is that why on earth is it so hard for me to forget… maybe because the idea “I have the right to know the reason how I was hurt” decided to stay in my mind until I get some answers…
Just want some answers… that’s all… it will be enough for me to forget… is it that hard to answer them?
*you chose her after you chose me
*you told me there was never something fishy
But how on earth I still smell some fish even if you said the fishes are all dead…
For the record, let me take one last hit at this topic… just one last…
The girl involved…
These were the things you said about her:
Siya pinakaconservative sa dorm
*** as if… tell me when conservative’s meaning was change to someone who wears TUBE, BACKLESS and the sorts.
Buddy lang turing ko sa kanya
***and as if she treated you the same…if she really wanted a buddy, she could have chosen someone else without a gf… or why not your cousin who, you told me, had a crush on her. Why not your cousin who’s gf is her friend? Why not the guy who really liked her… why of all the people in your dorm she chose you and you returned the favor…
Mabait yun
***if that’s what you say.fine.but for me she’s not. if she really is your friend, why on earth did she tell you that “ I don’t trust you, I don’t love you because I wont allow you to have a buddy”? how on earth did she had the GUTS to say that I DON’T LOVE YOU? It broke my heart to hear that from someone who you consider a FRIEND… if she was trying to make some WISH ADVICE… how she wish it was good enough… she could have at least considered my feelings. It wass too obvious she’s disappointed you guys didn’t have much time to flirt. Yeah! That’s what I thought! A FLIRT!
I won’t play a saint here. I admit I had all the intention to curse her… I admit I somehow wished to be like her cause I thought you’re somehow attracted to her… the way you treated her... the way you guys texted even if I was around… even if she lives in the next room… even if you already have that distance close connection… you still managed to text right under my nose even if I was with you.
Sana kasing ganda ko siya kahit di ako nagagandahan sa kanya.
Sana kasing bait ko siya kahit di siya mabait para saken
Sana friendly din ako katulad niya at makahanap din ako ng buddy kahit me bf ako.
Sana nagdodorm din ako para maranasan ko din nararanasan mo.
Pano mo nalaman na lageng andun bf niya? Lage mo bang nakikita silang magkasama? Pano ako… ni hindi man lang ako nakita… hindi man lang niya ako nakilala…
Whenever I am with you, you immediately answer your dorm mates’ texts. But when you’re with them, it takes you minutes to hours to reply mine… you said you guys don’t talk a lot… why not talk a lot when you’re with them? So I can have my own time with you when were together…
Xmas party
You remembered it,, you prepared for it… you’re excited about it.. Even if you don’t tell me I can see it.. but why do you always forget our monthsary?...
Maybe you’re bound to have them forever… maybe fate thus really wants you to be with your BUDDY… maybe that’s why fate made me decide to go out of the country…
I did everything… some can, will tell you’re not worth the love.. but as God still loves and forgives His unworthy creations.. and so I love and forgive you too…
I WANT TO LET GO OF THE HATRED…
I have received God… and he’ll stay with me… I STILL BELIEVE in OUR RELATIONSHIP…
I always will…
LORD GOD,
Here I am your sinful daughter… You know exactly what’s going on my mind right now… save me from this hatred… save me from this sin… I ask You oh Lord to forgive me… help me repent as I accept You in my life… I still believe in him… I love him with all my heart cause if ever I already don’t, I could have left his side… i thought I was seeing the right things that supposed to be seen only by you… and now I know that what I saw was wrong… I know he loves me… I know he broke the connection for me… I am going to stay with him Lord.. please.. I beg You to allow us stay for each other for the longest time… may Your plans happen to US…
Amen…
stressed out
You never listen to me
You never consider my presence
You never were appreciative of me
You never loose even if it’s your wrong
You never include me in your every decision
I know.. im just your mere OPTION…
Lately I’ve been thinking real hard about my future. What will I turn out to be, what will happen after my college life, and a lot more of whats, but God hasn’t given me the answers yet.
Few months ago, I was sitting on one of the benches along 2nd floor of our school’s main building. And I was wondering what could be my most appropriate step to progress but I winded up with nothing.
When I was a kid I’ve always wanted to be a doctor, someone whom people could run to whenever they need medical assistance. But a kid’s dream will always be a dream. I guess. It’s like dreaming of Santa Claus’ visit every Christmas, believing the tooth fairy will replace every lost tooth, and hoping for the frog prince to come.
Doctor it is… it’s what I want to be when I grow up.
Chances are… well…nothing at all…
Could someone tell me how to move on from something you really wanted so bad that caused you curses, tears and efforts just to hopefully have it. This day is so bad I don’t even want to think about it again… or maybe I will… maybe not…
hindi mo lng alam...
i cant get it out of my head...
oo
‘di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
‘di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa aking inaasam makita kang muli
Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Sana’y nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo
Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
‘di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal
‘di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
‘di mo lang alam
Ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam
‘di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo’y magkaibigan lang
Napapaligaya lang sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako’y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman
Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako’y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko
‘di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
Isang kindat man lang
‘di mo lang alam
O, ika’y minamasdan
Sana iyo’y mamalayang di mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo
Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
bull crap
A writer of a free newspaper once said, “When no one else will listen, recording your feelings can be the only thing that will make you feel alive”. (Journal Keeping)
In my case I only have my blog to write on. It is the same thought though. Well,how will I start?
I have never felt so dead before, not until yesterday when a totally bull issue came out.
History
No one to defend me. I lost my father, grandfather, and my bros are not that much of a big help when it comes to defending me. Since then, I prayed, hoped, wished, wanted to have someone to defend me. Then no one came. That’s when I started to learn how to keep my grounds. To make it short I learned how to be hard.
Present
Here came someone who I prayed, hoped, wished and wanted to defend me. He came, on the contrary, he can’t be what I prayed, hoped, wished and wanted for. I’m just simply saddened by this fact. Really. What’s more tragic than that? I can’t totally tell every feelings I have. I cant burst into tears without being blamed. I cant shout my lungs out without being hushed. How can my situation be any harder?
Future
All I will do… understand until I absorb all of this crap…
Have a heard all the lies i never wanted to hear?...
